he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
