Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
