Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
