I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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