I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
