So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
