Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
