i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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