dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just forgot I was standing up.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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