My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
