What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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