I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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