I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
