guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
