i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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