You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
