Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
