I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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