I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
