tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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