I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
