I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
