one two three fourrrrnication!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
