hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
