He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
