His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
