Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
