I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
