Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
