whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
