Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
well you can't waste a boner
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
