my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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