It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
