Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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