ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i already hear my dad disowning me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
