he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
