I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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