He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
