you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
