mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
