Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
cat food counts as protein by the way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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