she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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