he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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