i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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