sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize