goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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