Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
