all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i came on her dog
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
