Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
