if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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