Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
