I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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