i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
