He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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