wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
