my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
