last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
