He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
