I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
