If that was your dad, he is hot
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
