tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
