Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
