So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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