My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
