oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
