we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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