dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
