HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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