I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everything about him screamed your future.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
