Ambien. No doubt about it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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