haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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