i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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