I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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