How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
