Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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