As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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