I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
