I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
