i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
