we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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