Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
