She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
