now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
