Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
