so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
