just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
