so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
