new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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