i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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