is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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