I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize